MODULE 4: How to Feel Better
Understanding Feelings is Essential for an Amazing Life
What is a Feeling?
A feeling, or an emotion, is a vibration that we experience in our body. Emotions start in the brain and travel to the body. However, we often notice them in our body first. Examples of feelings include sadness, joy, disappointment, anger, and ambivalence.
Do not confuse feelings with sensations which are involuntary and start in the body. Examples of sensations include hunger, fatigue, nausea, or warmth.
Feelings Come from Our Thoughts.
Every feeling is caused by a thought in our mind. Our feelings do not just happen to us. We create them. Even if we aren’t aware of the thought causing them, feelings always follow our thoughts.
Feelings Are the Reason Why We Do (or don’t do) EVERYTHING.
Feelings are fuel for our actions. Everything we do or don't do in our lives is because of how we think it will make us feel.
Take a moment and really let this sink in. Every single decision we make, every dream we decide to abandon or pursue, every time we skip a workout, or avoid speaking up, every action we take in a relationship or at work – it is all because of how we feel.
Everything we want is because of how we think we will feel in the having of it. This goes for things we don’t want. When we try to avoid an outcome, what we are really trying to do is to avoid a feeling we don’t want to have. For example, we might avoid asking for support because we are afraid to feel disappointed.
This is important because we often end up limiting our potential based on our desire to avoid feeling discomfort and feel good all the time.
Our emotions determine how we show up in our lives, our relationships, and our careers. Our feelings impact our energy levels, our physical and emotional health, the goals we set, and the success we will have. Our feelings determine our entire experience of our life.
To Change an Action, Change Your Feelings.
Remember that feelings drive our actions.
Yet most of us do not decide to feel on purpose. We think our feelings just happen to us. We wait and see what will come along. We wake up in the morning and observe how we feel instead of deciding on purpose. We believe something like motivation or excitement will just happen. What we don’t often realize is that we can choose to create any feeling we want. Once we understand this, we can take responsibility for the emotional fuel we use in our lives. Every single feeling is available to us as an option at any time.
We Must Decide What Feelings We Want to Have
We can generate the positive feelings we most want in our lives by choosing intentional thoughts that are going to serve us, move us forward, and fuel us to take actions that will lead to results we want most. We must take full responsibility for all of the emotions that we experience. We can decide what we want to feel and then feel it on purpose.
Choose an Emotion and Practice
One of the best and most important skills you will develop is how to generate and feel emotions on purpose. All feelings are available to you at any moment. You can use feelings as tools to create whatever it is you want most.
So how do you learn to feel happy? How do you learn to feel excited? How do you learn to feel motivated? The way that we learn to feel is by finding the thoughts that we believe will create these emotions. Consider these questions:
What does this emotion feel like?
What do I need to think to create this feeling?
How do I act when I feel this way?
What do I say when I feel this way?
Step into this ahead of time.
Start with one emotion and practice it. For example, if you want to feel excited, commit to practicing this emotion. Feel excited. Look for things to be excited about. Think exciting thoughts. Act excited. Create exciting things Stay committed to the emotion.
Summary
The key to creating a life you want is learning to allow, process and generate emotion. This is a skill, and it requires practice, just like any other. Emotions are always created, even if not consciously, and taking responsibility for your emotional life is the most empowering thing you will ever do.
Emotional Mastery: Bringing it Together and Where to Focus
In summary, here is what I want you to be constantly thinking this week.
1. What am I feeling right now? (Awareness)
2. What does this feeling feel like specifically? (Observer)
3. What do I want to feel right now? (Being deliberate)
4. How can I practice this feeling?
Resource Sheet: Feelings List
Sometimes naming our emotions is harder than we think! See the attached feelings list to help you identify and put words to what you are experiencing.