MODULE 5: What do You Need?
Moving Through Stress
Note: This chapter is adapted from the work of Emily Nagoski, PhD, and Amelia Nagoski, DMA in their book Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. If you haven’t read this book - I highly recommend it!
Stress is a hot topic these days, and most of us are no stranger to stress in it's various forms. In this module, we'll explore what stress is, what's happening in the body when we feel stressed, why we get stuck in the stress cycle, and how to move through to the other side.
Before we begin, take a moment to reflect on the following questions. You can write down these prompts and responses in your journal too.
What do you believe about stress?
What is causing you stress at this time in your life?
What do you do to try to relieve stress?
What is Stress?
Stress is a physiological and psychological response to a perceived threat or challenge. It's an evolutionary adaptation that activates a general "stress response", which involves the release of stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol to prepare the body to deal with the perceived threat and ultimately survive. When you're experiencing stress, you might notice a racing heart, shortness of breath, tense muscles, and so much more.
Stressors are the triggers that activate the stress response in your body.
It can be anything you see, smell, hear, touch, taste or even imagine.
External stressors can include things like: money problems, family conflict, illness, relationship challenges, time constraints, experiences of discrimination, work related pressure, cultural and societal norms and expectations, etc.
Internal stressors are less tangible, and include things like negative thought patterns, worry, self criticism, painful memories, or identity shifts and challenges.
All of these things may be interpreted by your body potential threats, and have to be dealt with in different ways depending on the source of stress. Sometimes this involves solving a problem, running away from a threat, or having a conversation or responding to an email. Dealing with the stressor is a critical piece of survival.
KEY POINT:
Just because you have dealt with the stressor doesn't mean you have addressed the actual stress in your body.
The stress cycle is complete at moment at which our bodies learn that, after facing danger, we are now safe. But so many of us do not reach this point, and this is where we get stuck.
Getting Stuck in the Cycle of Stress
Your body is designed to experience stress as a natural cycle. Problems happen when this cycle is interrupted and we get stuck in the stress cycle.
We get stuck because our stressors are chronic, because we're conditioned to suppress and avoid our emotions, because we lack the safety to process and respond to our feelings, or we've started to believe that our feelings aren't valid or don't matter.
We've heard of Fight or Flight, but what about Freeze?
When we're under threat, our brain assesses quickly - should I run away to survive? (flight), or should I attempt to conquer the threat? (fight). Flight can manifest as avoidance and fear, and fight can manifest as anger and reactivity. This is your brain telling you GO! Take back your power! Do something!
Freeze is another stress pathway. It happens as a last ditch response by your nervous system to save you, when fight or flight don't stand a chance - the brain slams on it's breaks and the parasympathetic nervous system takes over. You play dead. You succumb. You don't try to fight back. You give up. We don't choose this - the brain does, from the most survival-oriented part it. And it works. Think back to a time you have survived something you thought was insurmountable.
If you're burned out and living in a state of constant stress, it is critical that you learn strategies to complete the stress cycle.
All the stress needs a place to go. It's a critical piece of recovery and healing. Even if you have physically and intellectually addressed the stressor (you've had the meeting with your boss, you've finished the argument, you've turned off the news, you've paid the overdue bill), you are still experiencing stress in your body.
You need to complete the cycle. Here's some ways to do it:
Physical Activity (Move your body). This is the single most effective way for completing the stress cycle. Movement reminds your body and brain that you are safe and have survived the threat. This is your first level of defense in your fight against burnout. Go for a walk, or dance around your office. Aim for 20-60 minutes most days of the week.
Sleep. Your brain processes and your body repairs while you are sleeping. It is critical and often the first thing we sacrifice when life feels crazy. When you are feeling stressed, take this a cue to protect your sleep. Aim for 7-9 hours per night.
Breathing. Deep, slow breaths down-regulate the stress response. A simple, practical exercise is to breathe in to a slow count of five, hold that breath for five, then exhale for a slow count of ten, and pause for another count of five. Do that three times—just one minute and fifteen seconds of breathing to help you move through a stressful situation or moment and restore calm.
Social Interaction. Engage in casual but positive social interaction. Smile at a stranger. Hold the door for the person behind you. Friendly interaction with others shows your brain and body that the world is a safe place.
Cry. Crying will likely not change the stressful situation but will definitely provide much needed relief and release from intense emotion. If you have ever had a good cry, you know exactly what I mean.
Laugh. Having a good, true , belly laugh releases endorphins, lowers cortisol, boosts immunity, and relaxes muscles. For maximum effect and most fun possible, laugh with someone else. It strengthens bonds, helps regulate emotions and is a great way to complete the stress cycle.
Connect with Loved Ones. Take a time out with a person with whom you share mutual love and trust. Sharing meaningful conversation or physical affection can help shift you immediately from an anxious stressed state to calm and safety. Hug someone you love for 20 full seconds. Kiss your partner. Spend time cuddling with a loved one or pet.
These are some ideas to get you started. Can you think of anything else that helps you complete the stress cycle?
Exercise: Stress in my life
Use this worksheet to explore how stress is playing out in your own life, and what helps you to complete the stress cycle. As always, bring anything that comes up to community calls or private coaching.