Embracing Self Compassion

Self compassion is the gentle and loving acceptance of yourself exactly as you are. Self-compassion acknowledges that we do not need to suffer by believing we should be any different.

Research has continuously shown that self-compassion is good for you. That is, having self compassion reduces depression, anxiety, disordered eating, and improved performance and productivity. It also reduces stress hormones, and improves overall life satisfaction and fulfillment without diminishing your motivation to do the things that matter to you.

We know it's important. We know self compassion is good for us.

So why does it seem so hard?

Because we mistakenly believe that beating ourselves up helps us grow.

You might have been criticizing and pushing yourself harshly for most of your life and yet you have still managed to accomplish many things. You have a career, and you've overcome barriers and struggles. You have done many of the things that you set your mind to. And so you start to mistakenly believe that the beating yourself up is what has kept you on track.

This is the most common reason why people resist self-compassion. They're worried that if they stop beating themselves up, they'll lose all motivation and stop making progress or moving forward.

But think about it: Is there anything that thrives if you constantly put it down or punish it? No. Everything grows best when it is loved and cared for. That includes you.

What is most likely - and this is supported by research - is that you have managed to grow and progress despite your own harshness and self criticism. It is not the beating yourself up that has helped you thrive, but your own persistence and resiliency.

It will not necessarily feel natural or intuitive to feel compassion towards ourselves, especially if we are used to driving ourselves forward from guilt, toxic perfectionism, or desire for validation. It might feel hard and that is completely ok.