MODULE 2: Your North Star
IN THIS LESSON
Define Your Purpose Intentionally
Purpose is like the guiding light that illuminates our journey through life, helping us to navigate the complexities of existence. It's the driving force behind our actions and the source of meaning in our endeavors.
Purpose is the mission that drives what you do and don't do.
Many people spend their lives looking for their purpose. Many women set to achieve personal and professional goals because we think that they’ll give our lives meaning. And they can. But in many ways, purpose is misunderstood. We often think that purpose is something that we find outside of ourselves. But really, purpose is is something that we define and create for ourselves. It is simply the reason why you do what you do. And it can be anything, as long as it is meaningful for you.
Where the work comes in for us is creating a purpose from a place of abundance and not scarcity. If we're not careful and aware, we can create our purpose from feeling like we're not enough, or that we will somehow be better when we reach our goals. We may find ourselves hustling for our worthiness, equating accomplishment with value.
The Arrival Fallacy
The Arrival Fallacy is a concept that refers to the mistaken belief that once a certain goal, achievement, of milestone is reached, it will be bring lasting happiness (or feelings of pride or worthiness). In other words, it's the tendency to think that "I'll be happy when I get my dream job", or "When I finally build my dream home, everything will be perfect". It is considered a fallacy, because arriving never feels as good as we expect it to - we overestimate the emotional impact of achievement. We may temporarily experience positive feelings, but it doesn't last. We then move on to the next goal or focus, thus perpetuating a cycle of chasing happiness which never arrives.
When we understand the Model, this makes sense. Feelings don't come from circumstances or external factors. Emotions come from our thoughts. This is why thought work in the key to having a more fulfilling life experience.
Your Why
In coaching, we often talk about having a compelling WHY in our lives. In other words, having a reason that lights us up and provides motivation to go after a goal, work hard, or create change. It is important to set this why from the belief that you are already worthy and valuable just as you are, and that your life already has meaning and purpose simply because you exist. You do not need to prove your worth or value and this is really important to understand, when you are defining your purpose in your own life.
We show up as our most effective selves when we believe we are worthy. You do not have to do more or be better unless you want to. You can choose your purpose simply because you want to, or because you think it will be fun.
What I want to offer to you all, is a very important truth: You are enough right now, exactly as you are. You are 100% worthy today this does not depend on anything outside of you. Rather than have to prove yourself, or basing your purpose and "Why" on external reasons (such as what others think), your purpose will become intrinsic based on something that you desire and truly believe in.
Here are some ideas of what your purpose can look like:
I want to empower others
I want to be a source of good in the world
I want to provide financial security for my family
I want to be an inspiration to other women
I want to do this work because it's fun
I want to be well-known in my line of work
Do you notice yourself as judging any of these as better or more right? Why?
Remember that your purpose is your North Star and if you define it in a way that feels true to you, it will guide you towards your most meaningful and empowering life. Your own approval is all you need. And you can want anything you want.
Meaning in Life
"Meaning" can simply be described as your "something larger". It's the experience of feeling like we're connected to something bigger than ourselves. It can keep us on track when things are difficult, and helps sustain us on the journey of life. Meaning in life is a highly subjective and personal experience. What brings meaning to one individual's life may not have the same impact for another.
Studies have consistently shown that individuals who report a sense of meaning in their lives tend to experience better mental and physical health, higher levels of life satisfaction, and greater resilience in the face of adversity. We know it's important, so where do we find it?
We make meaning for ourselves.
Meaning is not found, it is made. Research suggests that meaning in life can evolve over time, as we we change and grow. But nonetheless, it is something that we create for ourselves. We create meaning when we engage with something outside of ourselves, something larger.
You might already know exactly what your something larger is. And if you don't, that's ok. It can take time to figure it out for yourself. Research has found that meaning is likely to come from three sources:
Emotional Intimate and Loving Connections: Meaningful relationships with family, friends, partners, and colleagues are a significant source of meaning for many people. These connections provide a sense of belonging, love, and emotional support. Nurturing and maintaining relationships can be a central source of purpose and fulfillment.
Contribution, Service, and Impact: Contributing to a cause, organization, or community through work can provide a sense of meaning. This can be work related or otherwise, and usually involves making a positive impact, making the world a better place, or leaving a legacy.
Pursuit of Growth and Self-Discovery: Self improvement, personal growth, and self discovery are essential sources of meaning for many people. Exploring passions, setting and achieving goals, and continuously evolving as an individual to becoming the best version of oneself can provide a sense of meaning and fulfillment.
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Use this worksheet to help you define your purpose and meaning and put it into language. Remember, there is no right answer. Trust yourself in this process and lean into your truth.